Big Jeff's Big Week

The last 15 seconds of the episode certain chests clutched in relief for Danielle, that there will be a double eviction tomorrow and that she will not have to spend a week alone with Brendon.  Cuz as Big Jeff sez about Danielle,  shee goan, and Porsche said that if she went to the jury house that Rachel wouldn't be walking down the aisle so all her "I don't want to be there with Brendon" is fulla. 

Also noted:

Jordan suddenly started calling the Humilatard a Unitard, pourquoi?

Stroking Jeff's ego is kind of easy.

Daniele outclasses Rachel and her father, no matter what Zingbot says.

The word is mischievous.

Jordan's *ZINGGG!* really sucked.

Kalia needs to stop using those chest socks as lures in the HOH room, it does not work.

If you tell Jeff you like his haircut, he just might take you off the block.

Jeff deserves some credit this week. 

Cute as a Stupid Little Button

That quote there in the title, is not mine. It's what Jeff called the pigtails Jordan wore with the Humilitard she won for a week from the PoV comp, an outfit of course she pretends to hate. Just moments prior Jeff was nominating Jordan for canonization for taking the veto away from someone who is on the block and forcing her into an awkward phone call and 24 hours of confinement. Oh the tears, I don't get these people, I just know that Brendon is edited to be a little too enthusiastic over the zombie metaphor. It feels like viewers might get a zombie theme soon.

CBS - 1987
(I know these two aren't zombies but close enough, right.)

Wednesday Night BB Conversations

Rachel: Don’t trust my dry tearducts, my life is over now that Daniele has spitefully taken away my future husband/biggest enemy! Everybody hates me!

Shelly: I know I’m a man, but I’m no Brendon. I’m trying my man-damnedest to get you to behave less Rachel-y but it’s not working. Lemme just be Shelly and say: STFU!!!!!

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Jeff: Shelly, things must be bad when you expose those puffy eyes to crying. Should we make out?

Shelly: No dude, we’re both dudes!

******************************************

Jeffaestus: Jeffeeeezus! Rocky! Viet Nam!

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Jeff: Rachel, you’re obviously upset and I’m inexplicably shirtless. Are you mad because I won PoV and you didn’t?

Rachel: Jeff, just let me take off my shirt.

Jeff: Let me watch you...leave......

Jordan: PS, I’m in the room, like, I wonder whuuuuuuutttttttt will happen once you’re safe and I’m not, asshole.

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Everyone: Lawon, you’re kind of crazy!

Lawon: Because I classified unbearded Adam as “handsome-fied?”

Everyone: We weren’t thinking about that but, ew, yeah, what’s up with the creepy new guy?

Lawon: Because of my Emmy-nominating performances? Because I’m surrendering myself for cult hero powers?

Everyone: Yeah.

**********************************************

Meanwhile, the city-state of Libbytown is passing a torch in the countdown to The Twist.  If Brendon walks through those doors tomorrow night we residents will cry Dukakis!  Internet fans have revealed that nobody is voting for Brendon, but CBS tells us that Julie Chen does now have a cool new Twitter account. Doo kahk kuzzz.

CBS Luvs Brendon and his Main Tendon

Libbytowners are decent folk. We honor dignity and integrity and sensitivity, so sometimes we get caught offguard when we find ourselves busting out a rofl when they air Rachel's Maxwell Smart jogger faceplant, again. Or when they show Jeff obviously freaking out, or Brendon applauding himself for curing cancer and spelling multi-lettered words and being Rachel's martyr when we all know he really just wants to go home and get it on with the internet, again.

In reality news, Reality BBQ is reporting that we WILL get to suppose the supposed and vote an evicted houseguest to battle-it-back in. Editorial paranoids can't help but notice that Brendon is on the roster of votees, and that the CBS editing is excessively kind to him and we can expect clips of him fooling himself  through a hideous savior-prince role during a cheap wedding pre-enactment, with Lawon as officiant, Rachel as bride, and Daniele as repulsed guest. And when you click the America's Vote sourcelink provided by Reality BBQ it leads to an "Oops, it's not our fault you got to this dead link, it's yours" message. Was posting the America's Vote info a CBS error? Because we've read that Brenchel is campaigning hard for Jordan to leave.  Or was the posting choreographed.  Is Brendon storyboarded to be voted out, and being urged to be voted back in? How much do sessions with the DR staff sway houseguest vote. Tell us Leader Chen!  Tell us!!

Rachel-Off

Wow. How dumb can one Rachel be. Libbytown spouses are scribbling out the mathematics, but in the meantime we can analyze Brendon's formula for delivering Rachel constructive criticism:

5 Positives

+

1 Opportunity for Improvement

+

5 Positives

Repeat as necessary

Example, in the tone of wimpy pink-attired Brendon:
I love you. You're beautiful. I can't wait to marry you. You're one of the best competitors Big Brother's ever seen.  You know that's true. You've got to stop talking to people that way. I know you love to compete. You can beat anyone out there! Anyone!  It's you and me to the end, baby! You have to play with your head.

Who has the energy for that?? Watching Rachel's DRs is clinically painful, she's got less foresight than a used paper towel and her assessment of Cassi (She's so pretty, but she's just not good at playing this game!) is emptier than I thought possible.  So glad CBS decided to give the slots to these two good and well deserving people!

Jeff has good strategy but his temper totally gets in the way and will hurt him, again.  

Dani is workin' it, objectivity, ambition, and cat venom may get her far.

Once again, BB has left the Soul Perspective to Lawon...and not much else.  It'd be nice if he'd win HOH, just to see something new.

What happened to Brendon's knees??

At last, results are in.  How dumb can one Rachel be?   Mathematical impact reveals:  As dumb as 2 seasons! 

Makes sense, I guess.

CBS Perverts

Sensationalism sometimes is the only news on Libbytown streets, it's not this blog's fault it is forced to report on CBS's obsession with Brenchel, Penisgate, and Brendon's penis. CBS has been promoting the relationship of (fame-crazed, self-loathsome) Brenchel for over a year with reports on their engagement, their Penisgate, and now CBS has provided them easy Week 1 HOH and POV wins so viewers might tune in to their r'ship drama.  When the drama doesn't happen (just a matter of time) the edits from Wednesday's POV competition prompt viewers to question information, like why after Jordan's DR comments on the "one focal point" of the super leotards, we viewers see Keith (Keith's crotch) and Jeff (Jeff's crotch), but we don't see Brendon('s). The Libbytown subconscious wonders, Does Brendon bulge, Google? And then when Brenchel trot around in their supersuits, Brendon incontestably conceals his crotch from cameras.  Yet then we see B&R kunoodle in the shower (he's still a man, remember!) privately, and at last, the cameras follow Brendon's designer-jean'd crotch from the DR to the POV ceremony, coinky-dong?  Obviously CBS wants viewers to Google-bing Brendon's penis, they love Penisgate, what a bunch of pervs!!!